Tuesday, March 17, 2009

I admit, I'm a HUGE degenerate that can't help myself, but the creative output is nice!

Here's a blog post that started off as a thank you email to someone who just helped me out in a massive way!

And the preface is, when you look at a guy who for the past three years at City Hall (and past eight years on public access TV) has put out enough creative energy to have strangers stop him on a daily basis to thanks him as they stare in awe...while sleeping in a vehicle most of the time and just enough money to make it to the next day to start over from $0.00...something's got to be driving that force: And if you've seen the Jackie Gleason story or any story about guys like me...it ain't always the warmest and fuzziest of forces that drives the innovation, y'all.

Here's the email that some people may regret I am posting, but not me: People should know this stuff. After three years of hardcore political blogging and eight years as an entertainer on public access TV, I wanna do a little "Inside the Actor's Studio" for the fans:

Oh boy..thanks so much, obviously. maaaaaaaan, aren't you sorry you asked now! and yeah, it definitely changed my energy and the bitter, lonely, isolated free fall force that drives the creative force behind Zuma Dogg went back to sleep, for a little.

Problem is, all of the donations, that have been keeping me going is like the false stimulus packages...or like a pimp that keeps his ho on a short leash with crack...it keeps her going for another day...but over time, it compounds and takes it toll and the ho becomes more helpless and ends up in a deeper rut, each day.

Meanwhile, now I feel great, but as you can see, it's all founded on very thin ice. And the problem is, I can keep doing this ZD/City Hall activism thing, at this level, for another three years. It's like Michael Jordan dunking basketballs or Eddie Van Halen playing repeater licks...

But, this really is complete madness. People see the image on TV, like the image the Wizard of OZ put up there on the screen. But people have to realize I will never be able to hop off the roller car by myself. People tell me I SHOULD do this and that (call this person, call that person)...I CAN DO EVERYTHING ELSE EXCEPT HELP MYSELF GET MY OWN LIFE ON TRACK! The artist is not his own manager. People want me to be the sales department AND programming department.

And now that I am trying to put on the brakes, as I have many times over the past eight years (three years at city hall, and eight years on public access), it's not easy for me.

Last week, I got a call from an 84 year old lady whose daughter is in the hospital and is losing her house, and the lady feels it may be an unlawful process. So when she called me and said, "I've seen you on TV and no one will help me, so I thought I would call you because you seem to know so much and can maybe tell me what to do."

Welp, I didn't say, "Sorry lady. Maybe you didn't read my blog post that I am losing my mind out on the streets as someone who hasn't had more than four hours of consecutive sleep in eleven months, and my stomach is eating away at itself, right now, out of hunger. Call someone else."

As Al Pacino once said, "Just when I thought I was out, they dragged me back in."

And the other part that I have tried to make people realize, but it sounds like "hype" -- as someone who IS outside, on the streets 19 hours a day at the public library, coffee shops, strip mall parking lots and walking down the street; people ARE stopping to talk to me in line at Taco Bell, or at my library computer; or when I am losing my mind in a strip mall parking lot. And when it is THEIR TURN to finally meet Zuma Dogg, you can't say, "Scew you...I'm having a bad day." (Especially since I'm ALWAYS having a bad day.) And as soon as someone stops me, I am ALWAYS happy at that moment and have NEVER brushed someone off. I make sure they know how much it means to me that they feel that way, as well. However, a life distraction, it is.)

And then there are the emails and phone calls, and I am telling you, I already spent five years (before city hall) walking around in an intense "Zuma Dogg Appreciation Day Parade" 24 hours a day (starting at Malibu Starbucks) then into the grocery stores; then karaoke bars; then every nook and cranny of the city.

YEAH, it messes with your mind when you continue to wake up with $0.00 in your car; day after day; while people like MTV executives, Adam Sandler and a million producers have made every promise in the book.

NOW, I'm out of comedy dreams and into the day to day grind of REAL public advocate work, in the truest form, and the promises are rolling in the political arena, just like they did in the entertainment arena.

So, I'm starting to get real nervous that this is once again my destiny. To be an innovative, trailblazing creative force that leaves a historic wake in my path as I continue to run full speed ahead with the bridge burning behind me, in hopes that TODAY is going to be the day someone calls me and says, "You're hired!"

But it's been eight years, and it's degenerating. Because I am INDEED the most hardcore degenerate in human history, in my own unique way.

It's not a degenerate that drinks or gambles or ends up on skid row using needles; but it's getting much harder for me to do ANYTHING else than the day to day grind of meetings, blogging, and all of that. I used to contact people and send out packages and work on my career. I have been saying to people that after three years, the "Groundhog's Day" is over, and I need to move onto the next day.

But it's a strong force out there of collective consciousness energy that has been dragging me around, and after I went out on all those TV shows this past election cycle, I can tell you...it's a much stronger force now, than before. I LOVE IT...I just wish I wasn't an isolated, lonely, bitter-driven, degenerate.

HOWEVER, to leave it on a warm and fuzzy note: I used to be a lot more desperate and bitter and depressed. Even today, I was not at all depressed. My spirits are great! It just becomes panic over a physical situation (not eating) that is compounded by sleep deprivation on top of pushing very hard on the streets 24/7.

So basically, it IS the people that stop me on a day to day basis that has allowed me to be much more of the kind of person who 84 year old ladies like to call and feel comfortable with, as opposed to the former self I used to be, which was much, much...much, much more like Jack Weiss.

So like Bill Murrary in "Scrooged" (based on Dickens) you have a guy who is so lonely and isolated (like Aladdin stuck inside the lamp) that I had to take the most desperate measures (going on TV to prove I could make a show that people liked better than the other 200 channels) so that I could walk out into public, and there would be an ice-breaker. The ice-breaker being, "Hey, I saw your show on TV. I really liked it." Because that meant that they liked me, and it sure made it a lot nicer than the years I was scoffed and scorned and kicked out of the room after being told I was completely wrong.

And now, I had to prove it again at the city hall political level.

After eight years in the public consciousness in the City of Los Angeles, I DO feel like I have left a body of creative work that is my legacy, even if I never typed or spoke another word. (I know some people would like that...ha, ha!)

It's all there on the internet on youtube and blogs and mostly in the minds of everyone who now has "grown up" with Zuma Dogg, like all the kids who loved my show, and all the parents who loved it, too, cause I was the age of the parents, even though the kids thought I was their generation. And then there's the past three months in the media as "candidate for mayor" that was everything I was imagining, but more. I EXPOSED THE FRAUD, WASTE, ABUSE, CORRUPTION, SHADINESS AND VINDICTIVE SPIRIT TO PEOPLE OUTSIDE THE MAYOR SAM/SLAP/NC CROWD...

And it's all there for all to see, for years to come on YouTube and blogs. People STILL stop me on a daily basis and will mention something I did EIGHT YEARS AGO! (The Journey "Don't Stop" segment in my car, for example.)

In 1991, when I wrote the Deming paper, I was contacted by a high level radio consultant, who booked a meeting with me. When I met him in person, he was a little shocked. I was still in my 20's and he told me that he was used to seeing people in their sixties or seventies who write with that level of knowledge. (THANK YOU, THANK YOU!)

So it was nice for my 1991 self to meet up with my 2009 self to take the Deming 14 point show on the road in the media this past month.

THAT ALONE...mission accomplished, if you would have asked me in 1991, before I ever THOUGHT of going IN FRONT of the crowd. (In radio, I was BEHIND the scenes in research and programming, not the public eyes as DJ.)

So basically, thanks for helping me crank out another day, as sick and twisted as it is, and I feel great, thanks to the people that were sent into my life on a daily basis to turn me into a little more of a human being. It's been the biggest intervention in history. (I actually feel like one, a little more, now.)

And obviously, this has turned into more than just a thank you, but the next ZD blog post.


1 comment:

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