HAVEN'T UPDATED THIS BLOG IN A WHILE. Here's the latest from today. And go to http://ZumaSHOW.com. My official website with links to everything current at all times. Thanks, ZD.
ZumaSHOW.com
All Zuma blog posts, videos and radio archives
Showing posts with label comedy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label comedy. Show all posts
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Crankiest Zuma Dogg TWITTER Post EVER: Tomorrow's Looking Even Crankier
[Pictured: What Zuma Dogg felt like this morning and afternoon and most of the evening. It starts again in 5 1/2 hours, or less. UGH!]If today was part of the movie of my life as an un-witting activist, to compare it to "Titanic" we would be at the scene where it's only Leo and Kate as he slips away into the abyss, right before Celine starts singing.
Two days ago, or yesterday (recently in the past 48 hours, the days all just run together), THIS guy got a dose of THE MOST SLEEP DEPRIVED AND DESPERATE ZUMA DOGG EVER, EVER, EVER. Put it this way, based on my early morning Twitter tweets, he already called me by 6:30am to get me breakfast at a local shopping plaza.
Here's the post from the guy that I really shouldn't even post, cause it's not exactly a warm and fuzzy moment. But as a crazy street performer whose life seems to be somewhat of an open book in public, I gotta let it fly, cause it's a good inside look. http://bit.ly/Yb7uw
So it was already pretty bad then (my sleep deprivation and no nutrition)...and it ain't goin' uphill, so today, the timing belt on ZD's brain snapped worse than ever. And I kinda felt like today was a turning point in my life as far as becoming more degenerate in my helplessness to pull myself out of this rut. (I need the helicopters to fly in and drop the roll-up rescue ladder for an extraction.) What can I tell you. It's humiliating and embarrassing. I'm supposed to be the upbeat comedy-based guy, BUT, I've become a public persona at some level, and I didn't care in the first place, then I cared when it became more of a high profile situation, but now, since I feel good enough about the past three years of activism, I don't care if people know that larger than life person you see on TV, hear on the radio and see fun videos on the blog, is basically bitter, cranky, desperate, isolated, hungry, sleep deprived guy who turns into a pumpkin the second the on-air sign goes off.
And it's interesting, because August will be the 9 year anniversary of the infamous debut of the now legendary "The Zuma Dogg Show" that caused LA Weekly's website to plainly refer to Zuma Dogg as a "public access icon." (But I usually just chop the quote down to "icon" to save space.)
So when I started the show, all I know is I was living in a nice guest unit in Malibu and before that worked in NYC at a top radio station where I took limos and walked red carpets and hung out backstage and at parties with Keith, Mick, Elton, Bruce, Robert & Jimmy, Mariah, Tina...don't want to bore you with details like when I had dinner with Gene and Paul, or sat next to Tina at dinner. Seal's record company credits a certain BZD as the guy who broke him in the U.S. when no station in America was playing him.
So, over the past eight years, the people of L.A have got to witness quite a personal decline, as the public persona gains momentum. The more one yings and the other yangs, it creates more and more combustion in my chambers that causes it all to explode in Twitter tweets like the one this morning, that should be very, very amusing. Remember, you know what they say about us creative, artistic, comedic types. And then someone who went to ever council meeting for over a year just because he's pissed off. WHAT DO YOU THINK, Y'ALL? (See "Jackie Gleason Story.")
I'd be long gone by now, but I never got into coke or smack or meth or any of that stuff and I don't like Jack Daniels. So I'm just lingering around in good spirits over the "energy" I feel from the city and "the people" but am too miserable at the physical level to where that's all I can really focus on most of the day. And I frenetically post blog missiles in between the turmoil. It used to be a lot better. But I still got all the good memories of all the people I've met and all the smiles I've seen in between moments.
- Goodnight, everybody.
- Someone said, "I'm lost are you homeless?" No, I'm at Ritz-Carlton. Anyway, I've gotta go pass out. This is a defining moment in my life.
- As you can see, I am having a hard time dealing with the fact that I am dying alone on the streets and see the conditions aren't improving.
- Thanks to everyone who spent so much time on the phone and in person discussing plans. Obviously it was all B.S. as I sit on street alone.
- Gotta sell my computer for some food right now. Don't trip out if you don't see me Tweeting/blogging anymore. Call if you need to reach me.
- If my foot was stuck in train tracks and a train was coming, people would say, "Get up ZD, here comes the train!" It takes a hand to pull.
- TOPIC: Difference between zero-value, empty suggestions people make to make THEMSELVES feel better; and actual helpful gestures and actions.
- If someone's public comment card isn't called at Council meeting, I don't say, "Go talk to the Sgt at Arms." I GO TALK TO THE SGT FOR THEM!
- When a senior called to ask for help about her house being taken away by city, I didn't give her a phone number to call. I MADE CALL MYSELF!
- If someone says, "Zuma, I am having a problem with (council problem). I don't say, "Go to public comment." I GO TO PUBLIC COMMENT FOR THEM.
- If someone calls and asks for help on an issue, I do not just give them a number to call. I MAKE THE CALLS AND DO THE RESEARCH FOR THEM.
- re: So what has everyone else suggested you do?: I have tried to be clear. If someone says, "zuma, you should..." THEY ARE ALREADY NO HELP.
- How much you wanna bet I end up being rushed to hospital before a shred of luck/relief comes my way? Just one less homeless guy on street.
- Do you really think I am going to make a comeback and pull myself out of this all alone on the street without a cent. I'm going down. Sorry.
- What a fucking waste. I can see all I can do today is look for a place to take a nap right now just let everything slide.
- I wish I could take on the day and do something to help myself today. I KEEP TELLING YOU I AM NOT ABLE TO FUNCTION ANYMORE LIKE THIS ALONE!
- HOW DO I EXPLAIN TO PEOPLE, I KNOW ALL THE THINGS I SHOULD BE DOING..I NEED HELP. I CANNOT PULL MYSELF OUT ALL ALONE & BROKE ON THE STREET!
- I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO TELL PEOPLE I AM SO BROKE (NOT ONE CENT) AND SLEEP DEPRIVED AND HUNGRY I CANNOT DO WHAT YOU SUGGEST.
- YOU DUMB PEOPLE DO NOT UNDERSTAND YOU CANNOT JUST "TELL" ME WHAT I SHOULD DO TODAY TO HELP MYSELF. I NEED HELP! I NEED HELP! I NEED HELP!
- ALERT: I DO NOT NEED OR WANT TO HEAR ANYONE'S DUMB IDEAS ABOUT WHAT I COULD OR SHOULD DO. IT'S OVER. I CAN'T FUCKING MOVE! SHUT UP!
- Some IDIOT just told me to check into social services. ASSHOLE, I DON'T NEED YOU TO TELL ME THAT. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE SMART?
- You would think after all the energy I put out there, a little bit of SOME kind of luck would maybe accidentally fall my way. no, No, NO!
- There is no escape, not even for a minute, from the panic and uncomfortableness and stress and hunger for ZD.I DO NOT GET A SHRED OF RELIEF!
- Q: Do you really think I'll pull myself out of this, alone on the streets with less and less people in my life than ever, without one cent?
- Wow, it's only 10am and I am already spent for the day. I'm DEFINITELY slipping away into real hardcore skid row degenerate life. It's over!
- Turned on my computer with new stuff to blog, but there is NO WAY I can do anything besides panic right now. Gotta let everything slide.
- I would LIKE to do something different with my life today, but kinda hard to do anything when I am more concerned about health and pains.
- I could sit here and blog all about everything I heard regarding Obama vs LA City Hall...but why bother. If you're interested, just call me.
- I've run myself into a rut out here on streets that I can't get out of. Can't even flip out about it anymore. But I need a break and relief.
- Please do not call me today UNLESS it is something about TODAY, RIGHT NOW! DO NOT CALL TO TALK ABOUT FUTURE THINGS THAT ARE NOT RIGHT NOW!
- oh no, now what.
- help!
- ouch!
- ugh!
- Posted the Obama/Villaraigosa story about pensions and possible indictments at http://zumatimes.blogspot.com.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
NEW Video and Blog Posts by Zuma Dogg (Weekend Shady Report for 4/25/08) BIG, HUGE STORIES!!! CITY HALL CORRUPTION GOING DOWN!!!
First of all, besides the dream of eating today and sleeping indoors tonight, my biggest dream has been answered!!! The SEC is now looking into Los Angeles Mayor Anonio Villaraigosa-appointed pension fund managers and their investments on Wall Street and a kickback scheme that is being looked into. This is the one that will be bringing down City Hall corruption at the Federal level as I have been mentioning. READ MORE ABOUT IT, PLUS ALL THE OTHER STUFF FROM THIS PAST WEEK ON ZUMA DOGG'S LA DAILY BLOG. Three years of predicitons with the historic perspective of seeing them all come true...IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT WILL IS HAPPENING THAT SHOULD BE PAID ATTENTION TO; AND WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU WILL READING AND HEARING ABOUT IN THE AFTER-THE-FACT NEWSPAPER, TV AND RADIO HAS BEEN MEDIA, ask Zuma Dogg first, or read his blog. Thank you. How about taking me out to dinner tonight (Saturday April 25, 2009, to celebrate!)
LA DAILY BLOG
SEC Investigation Into Villaraigosa's City Hall Wall Street Pension Investments IS THE ONE THAT IS GOING TO TAKE DOWN CITY HALL CORRUPTION, FINALLY!!!
Posted: Sat, 25 Apr 2009 22:25:00 +0000
Zuma Dogg Greets Villaraigosa at Town Hall Budget Meeting
Posted: Sat, 25 Apr 2009 22:24:00 +0000
Zuma Dogg Investigates NBC Parks and Recreations Plan For Park on ILLEGAL Hole in the Ground
Posted: Sat, 25 Apr 2009 21:25:00 +0000
Did Zuma Dogg, or did he not, ALERT the masses on TV, radio and blogs about this SEC PENSION SCANDAL!?!?
Posted: Sat, 25 Apr 2009 18:37:00 +0000
Reader Weighs In on The Problem With Villaraigosa's Office
Posted: Sat, 25 Apr 2009 18:13:00 +0000
The Problem With Antonio Villaraigosa's Office (Mayor of Los Angeles and Quickly Fading Possible Gubenetorial Candidate)
Posted: Sat, 25 Apr 2009 00:27:00 +0000
Los Angeles City Council Update for April 24, 2009. (Garcetti is still a threat to First Amendment!)
Posted: Sat, 25 Apr 2009 00:01:00 +0000
Get To Know Carmen Trutanich For City Attorney!
Posted: Fri, 24 Apr 2009 22:31:00 +0000
Zuma Dogg Food Drive For Zuma Dogg
Posted: Thu, 23 Apr 2009 01:15:00 +0000
Los Angeles City NEWS UPDATE for April 22, 2009
Posted: Thu, 23 Apr 2009 00:05:00 +0000
The California STUPIDITY Report (Zuma Dogg's Political Update)
Posted: Wed, 22 Apr 2009 22:51:00 +0000
Could This L.A. Times Story Be The Beggining of the End For L.A. City Political Corruption
Posted: Wed, 22 Apr 2009 18:26:00 +0000
HOTEL & PROPERTY OWNERS OR ANYONE WITH A SINGLE VACANT UNIT -- PLEASE CALL ZUMA DOGG, ASAP!
Posted: Wed, 22 Apr 2009 00:17:00 +0000
Villaraigosa's City Hall Must Implement Quality & Productivity Measures Under New Budget Crisis
Posted: Wed, 22 Apr 2009 00:09:00 +0000
Call 3-1-1 And DEMAND That Villaraigosa, Garcetti & Alarcon DO F*CKING SOMETHING To Save A Penny and Stop FUNNELING MONEY INTO LOSER BELLY UP PROJECTS
Posted: Tue, 21 Apr 2009 23:05:00 +0000
With Villaraigosa Asking For "Sacrifices" From City Workers, He MUST Improve Quality and Efficiency Inside His Own City Hall, FIRST
Posted: Tue, 21 Apr 2009 19:27:00 +0000
IT'S OFFICIAL: GAVIN NEWSOME BECOMES CANDIDATE FOR GOVERNOR OF CALIFORNIA
Posted: Tue, 21 Apr 2009 17:19:00 +0000
ZUMA DOGG WORLD EXCLUSIVE REGARDING VILLARAIGOSA'S BUDGET PROPOSAL TO CITY UNIONS
Posted: Tue, 21 Apr 2009 00:53:00 +0000
Mayor Releases Budget Proposal Today That Is Almost Certainly Not Going To Work Without FIRINGS AND LOSS OF CITY SERVICES
Posted: Mon, 20 Apr 2009 21:37:00 +0000
LA DAILY BLOG
SEC Investigation Into Villaraigosa's City Hall Wall Street Pension Investments IS THE ONE THAT IS GOING TO TAKE DOWN CITY HALL CORRUPTION, FINALLY!!!
Posted: Sat, 25 Apr 2009 22:25:00 +0000
Zuma Dogg Greets Villaraigosa at Town Hall Budget Meeting
Posted: Sat, 25 Apr 2009 22:24:00 +0000
Zuma Dogg Investigates NBC Parks and Recreations Plan For Park on ILLEGAL Hole in the Ground
Posted: Sat, 25 Apr 2009 21:25:00 +0000
Did Zuma Dogg, or did he not, ALERT the masses on TV, radio and blogs about this SEC PENSION SCANDAL!?!?
Posted: Sat, 25 Apr 2009 18:37:00 +0000
Reader Weighs In on The Problem With Villaraigosa's Office
Posted: Sat, 25 Apr 2009 18:13:00 +0000
The Problem With Antonio Villaraigosa's Office (Mayor of Los Angeles and Quickly Fading Possible Gubenetorial Candidate)
Posted: Sat, 25 Apr 2009 00:27:00 +0000
Los Angeles City Council Update for April 24, 2009. (Garcetti is still a threat to First Amendment!)
Posted: Sat, 25 Apr 2009 00:01:00 +0000
Get To Know Carmen Trutanich For City Attorney!
Posted: Fri, 24 Apr 2009 22:31:00 +0000
Zuma Dogg Food Drive For Zuma Dogg
Posted: Thu, 23 Apr 2009 01:15:00 +0000
Los Angeles City NEWS UPDATE for April 22, 2009
Posted: Thu, 23 Apr 2009 00:05:00 +0000
The California STUPIDITY Report (Zuma Dogg's Political Update)
Posted: Wed, 22 Apr 2009 22:51:00 +0000
Could This L.A. Times Story Be The Beggining of the End For L.A. City Political Corruption
Posted: Wed, 22 Apr 2009 18:26:00 +0000
HOTEL & PROPERTY OWNERS OR ANYONE WITH A SINGLE VACANT UNIT -- PLEASE CALL ZUMA DOGG, ASAP!
Posted: Wed, 22 Apr 2009 00:17:00 +0000
Villaraigosa's City Hall Must Implement Quality & Productivity Measures Under New Budget Crisis
Posted: Wed, 22 Apr 2009 00:09:00 +0000
Call 3-1-1 And DEMAND That Villaraigosa, Garcetti & Alarcon DO F*CKING SOMETHING To Save A Penny and Stop FUNNELING MONEY INTO LOSER BELLY UP PROJECTS
Posted: Tue, 21 Apr 2009 23:05:00 +0000
With Villaraigosa Asking For "Sacrifices" From City Workers, He MUST Improve Quality and Efficiency Inside His Own City Hall, FIRST
Posted: Tue, 21 Apr 2009 19:27:00 +0000
IT'S OFFICIAL: GAVIN NEWSOME BECOMES CANDIDATE FOR GOVERNOR OF CALIFORNIA
Posted: Tue, 21 Apr 2009 17:19:00 +0000
ZUMA DOGG WORLD EXCLUSIVE REGARDING VILLARAIGOSA'S BUDGET PROPOSAL TO CITY UNIONS
Posted: Tue, 21 Apr 2009 00:53:00 +0000
Mayor Releases Budget Proposal Today That Is Almost Certainly Not Going To Work Without FIRINGS AND LOSS OF CITY SERVICES
Posted: Mon, 20 Apr 2009 21:37:00 +0000
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
You Do Not Stimulate The Economy By FInding Reasons To "CREATE JOBS" -- Jobs are created through innovative products and services
Oh no...here we go again. Zuma Dogg is going to have to sit here and listen to Barack Obama and Antonio Villaraigosa sit here and talk about the need to "create jobs" and start projects that "create jobs."
Now, I know that Barack Obama is Mr. Bigshot President of the United States; and Antonio Doucheairagosa is whatever the hell he is...but neither one of them are internationally published experts on Dr. Deming's 14 point economic miracle that ACTUALLY DID NOT ONLY STIMULATE THE JAPANESE ECONOMY, BUT COMPLETELY RE-BUILT IT FROM THE BOTTOM, UP.
Fortunately for the readers of Zuma Times, the founder and writer happens to be an internationally published expert on these 14 points, so my opinion carries HUGE, HUGE weight and clout. And I really don't care how you think that sounds...because I am not running for mayor, anymore, so I really don't care if you like me, or not, or think my grandstanding is obnoxious. To the people I am trying to get to read this, that is how they are motivated. Through my disgracing them through a superiority complex, which I now suffer from, after being surrounded by 15 councildummies and the big, little dummy himself, L.A. Mayor Antonio Dummyraigosa.
So here is what I am here to tell you: YOU DO NOT STIMULATE THE ECONOMY IN A REAL OR MEANINGFUL WAY BY GOING OUT OF YOUR WAY TO FUND PROJECTS JUST BECAUSE THEY CREATE JOBS. That is the type of dummy-think that and dummy-action that got us in this mess.
Barack, I know you are a rookie, and have not dedicated yourself to constant and never-ending improvement since 1986, in the way that I have. So I do not begrudge you for making these rookie, empty exhortations that will only mask the problem.
So how do you create jobs then, without false projects like the false stimulus. Because I'm here to tell you folks, (he like to use the word, "folks" cause it's "folksy"), the last thing we need right now are a bunch of "shovel ready" projects for stuff like improvements we really don't need. Or the money to make them.
So here is how you create jobs: Through innovation of product and services. When 2000 people became millionaires at Microsoft, the economy wasn't stimulated by the restoration of the building that they were working out of. It was stimulated by the jobs that were created by a new and innovative product. Steve Jobs did the same thing at Apple. The first thing you need to stimulate the economy, which then stimualtes job growth, is that you need a unique and compelling reason for the product or service.
Domino's Pizza wouldn't have stimulated the Detroit area it was headquartered out of if he started another chain like Pizza Hut. They focused on 3o minute of less deliver. And that was something new and innovative! Fed EX did it with "overnight delivery."
You don't stimulate the economy by saying we are going to create jobs by re-paving the runways Fed Ex airplanes fly down. A fresh coat of paint ain't gonna bring back the jobs we really need.
So it is time to become innovative, once again.
And if you want to know what that means more specifically, call 213-785-7272 and hire Zuma Dogg to tell you. I will be glad to sit in with you and your advisors (or managers for you private sector folks) and will take your feedback and apply the 14 points to your specific situation and explain to you more, specfically, what I mean when I say that you create jobs through innovation of products and services. I think most people reading know what I mean, but people always like examples so they can test their understand and become more confident in their instincts. But ZD is a little too hungry to paint it all out for a bunch of dummies who don't want to take time to understand the situation they are in charge of, at a holistic level. So keep being analytical, you non-Deming-dummies. Keep doing the exact same thing that got you into this mess...just try to think a little harder and push a little harder. I'm sure it will all turn around because you have HOPE!
Now, I know that Barack Obama is Mr. Bigshot President of the United States; and Antonio Doucheairagosa is whatever the hell he is...but neither one of them are internationally published experts on Dr. Deming's 14 point economic miracle that ACTUALLY DID NOT ONLY STIMULATE THE JAPANESE ECONOMY, BUT COMPLETELY RE-BUILT IT FROM THE BOTTOM, UP.
Fortunately for the readers of Zuma Times, the founder and writer happens to be an internationally published expert on these 14 points, so my opinion carries HUGE, HUGE weight and clout. And I really don't care how you think that sounds...because I am not running for mayor, anymore, so I really don't care if you like me, or not, or think my grandstanding is obnoxious. To the people I am trying to get to read this, that is how they are motivated. Through my disgracing them through a superiority complex, which I now suffer from, after being surrounded by 15 councildummies and the big, little dummy himself, L.A. Mayor Antonio Dummyraigosa.
So here is what I am here to tell you: YOU DO NOT STIMULATE THE ECONOMY IN A REAL OR MEANINGFUL WAY BY GOING OUT OF YOUR WAY TO FUND PROJECTS JUST BECAUSE THEY CREATE JOBS. That is the type of dummy-think that and dummy-action that got us in this mess.
Barack, I know you are a rookie, and have not dedicated yourself to constant and never-ending improvement since 1986, in the way that I have. So I do not begrudge you for making these rookie, empty exhortations that will only mask the problem.
So how do you create jobs then, without false projects like the false stimulus. Because I'm here to tell you folks, (he like to use the word, "folks" cause it's "folksy"), the last thing we need right now are a bunch of "shovel ready" projects for stuff like improvements we really don't need. Or the money to make them.
So here is how you create jobs: Through innovation of product and services. When 2000 people became millionaires at Microsoft, the economy wasn't stimulated by the restoration of the building that they were working out of. It was stimulated by the jobs that were created by a new and innovative product. Steve Jobs did the same thing at Apple. The first thing you need to stimulate the economy, which then stimualtes job growth, is that you need a unique and compelling reason for the product or service.
Domino's Pizza wouldn't have stimulated the Detroit area it was headquartered out of if he started another chain like Pizza Hut. They focused on 3o minute of less deliver. And that was something new and innovative! Fed EX did it with "overnight delivery."
You don't stimulate the economy by saying we are going to create jobs by re-paving the runways Fed Ex airplanes fly down. A fresh coat of paint ain't gonna bring back the jobs we really need.
So it is time to become innovative, once again.
And if you want to know what that means more specifically, call 213-785-7272 and hire Zuma Dogg to tell you. I will be glad to sit in with you and your advisors (or managers for you private sector folks) and will take your feedback and apply the 14 points to your specific situation and explain to you more, specfically, what I mean when I say that you create jobs through innovation of products and services. I think most people reading know what I mean, but people always like examples so they can test their understand and become more confident in their instincts. But ZD is a little too hungry to paint it all out for a bunch of dummies who don't want to take time to understand the situation they are in charge of, at a holistic level. So keep being analytical, you non-Deming-dummies. Keep doing the exact same thing that got you into this mess...just try to think a little harder and push a little harder. I'm sure it will all turn around because you have HOPE!
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Zuma Times: Newly Revamped - ONE BLOG FOR IT ALL!
Now, there is one website for latest NEWS WIRES, Wall Street Updates, Political Analysis, Political Comedy Videos, Best of CNN/CNBC/CSPAN/MSNBC clips, Full length movies and TV (24, Ice Age, Simpsons, The Office, Family Guy, Usual Suspects, American Dad, Dragnet, Big Lebowski, Entertainment Clips from E!, Entertainment Tonight (Miley Cyrus, Britney, Ashely Axlendaner Dupre, Jim Carrey, Mariah Carey, Pam Anderson, more), and lots of other full length network TV shows from this this season...all the way back to the Adam-12.
So if you like SNL, Daily Show, Borat, Jim Cramer, CNN/MSNBC/CNBC, investigative stories on City Hall shadiness and corruption and political comedy...
So if you like SNL, Daily Show, Borat, Jim Cramer, CNN/MSNBC/CNBC, investigative stories on City Hall shadiness and corruption and political comedy...
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