Last night was fun in Malibu as Zuma Dogg bumps KID ROCK off the karaoke stage and ROCK is forced to hand the mic off to DOGG! (This ain't DE-TROIT, KID ROCK...YOU'RE IN ZD'S HOME TOWN...THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU...GIMME THE MIC AND SHUT UP, FOOL!:
Yes, Zuma Dogg felt so good after last night's Valley City Council Candidate forum, he wanted to reward his campaign helper/driver with a good time to celebrate, so we took the campaign victory party to Malibu for the UPSCALE karaoke experience.
As I am walking in and handing in my karaoke slip to the DJ, WITHIN SECONDS, the first person runs up to me, slaps me on the back and says, "Zuma Dogg! You're a LEGEND!" (I know, but it never hurts to walk in a place and get that reaction within seconds.)
So yeah, the BIG news was ZD stopped by for an unannounced reunion appearance with my old Malibu constituents who lost me to L.A. over the past three years.
The place was packed with an older, upscale crowd of Malibu movers and shakers.
I has no choice other than to open with Bee Gees, "You Should Be Dancing" because you gotta go with the encore, FIRST, when you have a packed house who has been suffering through non-superstar level performers, like ZD.
And like shooting fish in a barrel, the crowd busts out into a New Year's Eve level party.
Well, it's tough to top the Bee Gees, believe it or not with a mass crowd, so even though I was kinda tired from the long day and forum, HAD TO STEP UP AND BUST OUT...
"BILLIE JEAN"...MICHAEL JACKSON!
That's BOLD, y'all! (Especially for a guy who looks like mild-mannered, clean shaven, executive middle aged guy.)
Well, everyone outside on the patio comes streaming inside and the dance floor gets packed, and I have to complain to the crowd, "I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH ROOM TO MOONWALK, Y'ALL...GET OUTTA THE WAY."
So of course they had to make way to relive the memories of Motown 25, in the 80's when Michael busted it out for the first time, himself. (The floor was really smooth, and it was one of my best "Moonwalks" EVER, so that was cool!)
Of course I have to greet the crowd with all the handshakes and back slaps and hear how amazing it was...but these two African American dudes were REALLY blown away and made sure to give me the "handshake/half-hug" and REALLY let me know how that was "No joke" of a performance and really honored the original.
Then Sean Penn, Kid Rock, Jeremy Piven come strolling in, but better than that, Lauren Sanchez from Fox 11 was there with friends and MAN does SHE light up the room and have fun! I LOVED HER!
Sean Penn, who ain't the nicest guy as you may have heard, was perfectly fine walking into a packed bar, open to the public and he was smiling and laughing and having a good time. Nice to see that.
So ZD was waiting for his next song, cause even though Kid Rock was there, other ZD fans were pestering the DJ asking him, "When's it Zuma's turn again."
So the DJ tells me I'm next. I'm ready...but then, KID ROCK decides he wants to sing, right then.
And since HE'S "Kid Rock," he couldn't even wait one more song, even though he had been hanging out for over ninety minutes, or whatever.
BUT HERE'S THE PROBLEM: Kid Rock is know to "hold the mic." Meaning, last time he showed up, he "held the mic" for a 90 minute karaoke concert for the crowd that went till 3am.
SO WAS ZD ABOUT TO MISS OUT ON BUSTING OUT A ROOF RAISER IN FRONT OF THE PUMPED UP CROWD OF MALIBU MOVERS AND SHAKERS???
YES, I was starting to get cranky. And as I was noting that, "Damn, bro...I waited this long, and have been coming here for years, and years through thick and thin when NO ONE was here...and all the times you asked me to come to help out...AND YA THREW ME UNDER THE BUS!
He assured me that if Rock put down the mic, ZD would be next.
So "Sweet Home Alabama" kicks in, and I'm thinking, "It's OVER!" I may as well have left and was getting ready to leave. But by the time I was able to make it through the crowd to say "Goodbye" to people...Kid Rock was wrapping up.
And I must add, I think Kid Rock IS INDEED, VERY talented in his own way, and he's got a good voice and good performance persona, as we all know...and I LIKE Kid Rock.
But, MAN...he was LUKEWARM. If you didn't know he was "Kid Rock" you probably just would have been marking time till the next singer.
So when he was done, not that big a response as you would expect. Kinda no biggie. So he's standing there, looking around as to whether he should do another one, or just hand the mic back for the next person. So the crowd was luke warm, they weren't going NUTZ, he kinda takes the mic, is looking what to do...
AND THE DJ SAYS, "Kid Rock, Zuma Dogg wants to sing a song now...can you give the mic to Zuma and let him do a song?"
OH NO YOU D'DNT?
You just said, "Hey Kid Rock, Zuma Dogg wants to sing one, can you give him the mic."
TRIUMPHANT VICTORIOUSNESS, Y'ALL...
Kid Rock didn't know who the REAL superstar was to the crowd in that room: BIG ZD FROM THE 2nd CD!
So yes, Zuma Dogg walked over to Kid Rock (he's just Bob to me, y'all), AND HE HAD TO HAND THE MIC OVER TO "THE REALEST." (That was the harshest, most bitter mic hand off EVER! It was like he wanted to STAB me with the mic, LOL!)
Meanwhile, the kid ran out the door like a big crybaby...and Zuma Dogg IMMEDIATELY goes into, "Hoooody Hoooooo, It's UNCLE MC ZUMA DOGG and go into the full DJ VOICE/PUMP UP ROUTINE, just RUBBING IT IN HIS FACE ON HIS WAY OUT THE DOOR, I bust out into "Born To Run," the crowd was singing along, everyone jumping around blowing the roof off the place...and for that ONE MAGICAL MOMENT...ZUMA DOGG GOT TO STEAL THE SHOW FROM KID ROCK AND BLOW HIM OFF THE STAGE!
He went back to his mansion and money and posse suffering his first defeat and I woke up without a cent: But for all his Award Show appearances and stadiums sold out, he stormed out the door like a crybaby loser being pushed off the stage for YOUR next Los Angeles City Councilmember!
[PLEASE FEEL FREE TO DOUBT THE VALIDITY OF THIS MOST BOLD CLAIM THAT I'M SURE SOUND DELUSIONAL. IT'S SO TRUE, IT'S EVEN BETTER THAN I DESCRIBED HERE. Cause part of the whole vibe is that Kid Rock probably was wondering why so many people were coming up to me and reacting that way to me and especially a lot of women that he probably couldn't figure out why they were all walking up so happy to see me. I AM SO SERIOUS WHEN I SAY SEAN PENN AND KID ROCK WERE OBSERVING THE ACTION, CAUSE THE WOMEN WHO WERE GREETING ME WERE CERTAINLY WORTH OBSERVING. (Yes, sit there an try to figure out the magic Sean...it DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE TO ME EITHER.)
HEY KID ROCK...CALL ME ANYTIME IF YOU WANT A REMATCH. I'LL BLOW YOU OFF THE STAGE ANY DAY, ANY NIGHT, ANY TIME. But that's cool. You're still good, too! (But don't get it twisted when we're both in the room at the same time.)